Wednesday, May 26, 2010

poop post

I am making dinner. Rice in the rice cooker, food cooking away on the stove. I turn to the sink to wash the kids plates. 2 plates cleaned, and 15 seconds later I turn back to the counter and the 3 youngest heathens have the rice jar on the floor taking turns(how sweet!) sticking their hands in and pulling out handfuls to dump on the floor. I shoo them all out of the kitchen and grab the broom, sweep it up and turn to the trash can to dump the mess. As I dump the rice in the can I hear ***SPLAT** "uh oh, MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYY!" and turn to see that Annie has unscrewed the lid on my water bottle and dumped it all over the floor, I see Gavin run past at the same time laughing like a maniac and waving Jane's special blanket over his head, Jane is right behind him and screaming in a pitch that would kill a dog. I yell at Gavin to give the blanket back and run down the hall to grab a towel. I get the towel and start mopping up the kitchen when someone yells, "Annie NAKED!"(sends chills through my heart, will explain in a minute) leave the towel on the floor and run to the front room that Annie has her diaper half off, Gavin is on the couch taunting Jane with her blanket, and Atticus is bouncing like a mad man on all of the furniture. In a moment I can see two possible futures stretching out before me, one of which involves me as a sad story on the news and eventually a life time in prison...I choose the next option which involves me screaming at the top of my lungs, "GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!" I herd them all down the hall and lock the door behind them yelling that they can get out when their daddy is home from work. end scene.

The Diaper Chronicles:

Annie has been in a clothing optional frame of mind. I find her sans clothes and diapers at odd times(Kenneth came home from a hardware store run to find her running around the back yard in her birthday suit....in my defense we were ALL supposed to be taking a nap). A couple of nights ago the 3 youngest went to bed and had been merrily playing for about 30 minutes when I heard a little voice squeak "help me!" As I enter their darkened room I notice 3 things, 1. they've shoved their mattresses on the floor, 2. they have all removed their clothes. 3. it smells like pooped. Jane and Atticus at least are still in their diapers, so of course when I ask "who pooped" the answer is "Annie did!" yuck yuck yuck. Kenneth cleans up the room, I clean up the delinquent...and then duct taped her diaper on(and make a mental note to always tape her diaper on before bed). Next night, same time. I hear a scream at the door and go to open it. In the instant before I take in the scene I remember note from the night before, but alas to late, there is Annie crying at the door sans diaper. Sniff the air, yep apparently that is part of her nightly routine too. This time she has the foresight to remove her diaper before she poops....which actually makes a much bigger mess. Oy vey. I don't forget the tape anymore.

Did I mention we have company coming over this morning? The house is a mess and the kids are being demanding and doing things like pooping in the bathtub(thanks Jane) savaging library books, demanding 4 different things at once and all around driving me bonkers. So instead of cleaning, I've locked them outside(with popsicles so they won't yell) and am blogging...because someday I know I will laugh about this....

But the next person who tells me to enjoy this moment because they "grow up so fast, " might not survive the conversation!

11 comments:

The Katy Daileys said...

Drives me crazy when old ladies who have completely forgotten how hard it is to have young kids say that to me (and sometimes not even old ladies). Nice that they just remember the good times and forget the hard! Yes, locking them in the room was a wise choice. I have done similar things to keep us all alive and well! Love you, Meg! You are doing fantastic. I love reading your blog! You are an amazing writer and make us all smile and cry with you. You should write a book!

Anne-Marie said...

Meg, you are HILARIOUS! If you had time, you should write a book! Honestly...you write funny because there is no way living that story was funny.

My least favorite thing for people to tell me is "don't worry, it will get better". I always feel bad because obviously, even if I feel like I have it together, that lady just told me that I don't look like I have it together.

David Jeter said...

I (sympathetically, of course) laughed my head off while reading this. You are amazing, Meg.

Lydia said...

hahaha I also find it hard to enjoy the "good times" that some people call it...really??? these are the good times?!!? Sheesh

Joel and Crystal said...

Oh boy I love you Meg! And I LOVE reading your blog!

Angie said...

Hilarious post! Makes me crazy thinking of your four little ones (did you really say their bedROOM? As in one room?!) and I don't know how you do it.

But at the same time, I am floored thinking of how much they are going to LOVE reflecting on their childhood together. It sounds like they have a BLAST together.

Good luck hanging on to your sanity in the meantime!

S. A. said...

Thanks for the laugh and the memories!

Love you, Aunt Becky

Olivia said...

Wow Meg that sounds like quite the day! I have yet to experience the taking diaper off thing. Not looking forward to that one. Girl you have your hands full... but you do a great job. Somedays I think about you when my days are hard. I can't imagine having another little one along with the three I have.

Holli said...

Love it when you blog, Meg! It always bring me a little smile in the midst of my monster mommy moments! :)

Joel and Crystal said...

Is it wrong for me to want to make sure the tape covers a good amount of surface area so the removal of the tape is even more "memorable" for the child....

Please dont report me....I haven't done it yet

Joel and Crystal said...

This is Joel, by the way, Crystal is much to classy to put a comment like that